December 13, 2014

3 Tips to Increase Your Energy

We are coming upon the season when time management can go right out the holiday window. Yet when things get hectic, it's not necessarily time we need to manage, as much as our energy. Along with rest, exercise and good eating, consider the following to power- up over the coming month:
1. Decrease the things that deplete you and make time for those that give you ene
rgy.
2. Write down the to-dos bouncing around in your head. It takes energy to remember them.
3. Set realistic expectations for yourself and others. High expectations are exhausting.
Also keep in mind that we have about 3 hours a day when our energy levels are at their peak. Use this time wisely. It's the window when you can get the most stuff done.

December 10, 2014

Adapt Your Communication Style

Are you task driven or people focused? Task driven personality types want to get things done. They don't engage in much small talk and can be so focused on the task they forget to engage the person.

People focused personality types think about how situations and decisions will affect others and can lose their objectivity and be slow to make decisions.

To enhance c...ommunication and relationships, think about the person you are speaking with and adapt your style to theirs. Engage people focused types with a more personal approach. And get to the point if you are talking to somebody who you sense is task driven.

Adapting to the other's communication style will help everybody get things done and get along at the same time.

November 30, 2014

The Difference Between Smart and Wise

Did you know that being the smartest person in the room usually means you can process data faster than the group? Yet wisdom embraces not just intelligence but the virtue of reflection. Wisdom is the ability to make sound judgments based on knowledge and experience. And, it can be cultivated at any age by practicing the following steps:

1. Reflect before you react. Let the information sink beyond your defenses.
2. Suspend judgment and ask questions until you have enough information to make a sound decision.
3. See the world in shades of gray. Stay open to not knowing until the real issue or solution emerges.

Wisdom, like most good virtues, takes practice and patience. Yet the net result will distinguish you in the group. After all, I'd rather be the wisest kid in the room instead of the smartest. Too much competition in that group.

November 22, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

We would like to wish you and your family a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
 
This Thanksgiving, holiday season, and every day of the year, set aside some time to share with family, friends, and loved ones. With a grateful heart, give thanks for all the blessings in your life. It is a time for kindness.
 
Look for something - no matter how large or small - to be thankful for.... In giving thanks, you will lighten your load, if only for a short while, and carry the spirit of the season in your heart.
 
As you count your many blessings, take a few minutes to jot them down so that you can refer to them daily in the year to come.

Enjoy the holiday season. Thank you for your loyalty.

Best Wishes,
LaVonne Dorsey and the Welcome to Living Team

November 16, 2014

Conflict Management: Unfair Fighting Styles

Bad Timing - One person forces his or her agenda on the other, often insisting on discussing something at an inappropriate time.

Blaming - You blame the other person for the problem when you start with the dangerous assumption that “I’m right and you’re wrong.”

Too many issues - When you’re angry and use any ammunition you can think of – dragging up issue after issue to support how good you are and how bad the other person is.

Covering other feelings with anger - In unfair fights, anger is usually the only emotion expressed. It drowns out any underlying fear, sadness, guilt, envy, disappointment, and so on.

Impossible demands - Unfair fights often include vague, abstract demands like “be more considerate” or “stop being so picky.”  People just don’t change their personalities or emotions quickly or easily.

 Threats and ultimatums
- “I’ll move out.”
- "I’ll quit.”
- "I’ll tell your supervisor.”
- “I’ll take the kids.”
- “I’ll tell on you.”
- “I’ll destroy something.”
- “I won’t love you anymore.”
-  Escalation

Unhappy endings  - Unfair fights have unhappy endings. Unfair fights end in violence, withdrawal, or tears and apologies. They don’t end in mutually satisfactory solutions. In fact, unfair fights don’t really end at all – there’s just a temporary cease fire until the next round.

What is unfair at heart about most of these negative styles is that they assert that the person you are arguing with is somehow inferior.  You don’t engage the person about his or her ideas; you simply attack the person. To create an environment where conflict about ideas is possible and encouraged, individuals must be assured that they will be engaging in a fair fight – one that will not turn into a personal attack.

3 Questions to Ask About Career Development

Did you know that career development is the single most powerful tool managers have for driving retention, engagement, and results? Yet, it is frequently avoided because managers say they don't have the time. Making the time is easy when you understand how important it is, and it's as simple as asking a few good questions:

1. What are your career goals?
2. In what ways would you like to be trained or developed?
3. What would you like to gain from me as your manager?

Remember that career development is always the responsibility of the employee, but good managers take the time and show the interest to help mentor their employees along the way.

November 9, 2014

Conflict Managment

We can’t alter the fact that there will be conflict. We can only learn to manage it when it occurs.

We are each trapped inside our own way of seeing the world, and our differences create conflict in those world-views. We want others to see the world as we do, because we know similarities will bring us closer to each other. On the other hand, we tend to protect our way of seeing the world with great energy and enthusiasm.

People who successfully handle difficult interactions are aware of how their feelings and attitudes affect their nonverbal messages. They know their listeners will “hear” their tone of voice, vocal volume, rate of speech, and body language over and above their words.

November 2, 2014

60 Days and Counting...

There are only 60 days left until 2015! With that in mind, this would be a good time to revisit your 2014 goals. So take a few minutes to consider the following this week:

1. What goals have been accomplished this year?
2. What still needs to be accomplished?
3. What actions can you take in the next 60 days to complete or wrap up any loose ends?

Enjoy your week!!

October 25, 2014

The Right Path for the Right Reason

Mark Twain once said that the two most important days in your life are the day you were born - and the day you find out why. As we rapidly head toward the end of the year take a moment and ask yourself:

1. Am I on the right career path for my life?
2. Am I on the right path for the right reason?
3. Does what I do each day reflect my values?

If the answer is yes then it's likely you have a good level of job satisfaction. If the answer is no, you might want to do a little journaling.

October 19, 2014

4 Tips to Active Listening

Did you know that an average person only listens at an effective rate of less than 25%? Yet listening is ranked as the most important factor in work, family and social success. This week consider the following to hone this vital skill:

1. Make a commitment to stay in the present and listen to the person speaking
2. Maintain good body posture and eye contact
3. Refrain ...from multi-tasking while listening
4. Stay curious and suspend judgment until you understand the true intention of the speaker

Keep in mind that what you are hearing is not always what the speaker is trying to say. Stay engaged, ask questions and actively listen until the speaker confirms that you really understand the intended message.

October 12, 2014

3 Steps to Holding an Effective Meeting

How many meetings do you have this week? And how many will you be facilitating? As leaders it's our responsibility to respect people's time and facilitate our meetings to make them effective. That starts with knowing the 3 steps to holding good meetings:

1. Be Prepared: What is the point of the meeting? Who should attend and what should they bring? What's the agenda and the desired outcome?

2. Stay in Charge: Start the meeting on time. Quickly review what needs to be covered. Stay on topic. And don't let your meeting get hi-jacked by somebody else's agenda.

3. Create an Actionable Close: Wrap up with a recap and make sure action steps are written down and time frames for completion are agreed upon.

Do everybody in the meeting a favor and make good use of the time. It's one of the best ways to gain influence and credibility as a leader.  

September 18, 2014

Holding On to Your Reality


Has the strong opinion of another persuaded you to change your point of view? The tactics of others can move many of us into altering our position. Yet, when is it time to sway and when do we hold on to what is true for us?  It is not an easy question to answer and frankly I'm challenged to do it in just a few short bullets. But here I go. Hold on to your point of view when:

  • You have fully listened and remained open to the ideas of others and your point of view still makes the most sense
  • The persuaded point of view goes against your core values, ethics or morals
  • The losses in the persuaded point of view are far greater than the benefits

Holding on to our own opinion is important to foster the right moves for ourselves and our companies. We need to hear everybody's voice and be appropriate and conscious when choosing a direction.

September 13, 2014

5 Questions to Ask During Change....


People don't fear change, they fear the unknown.

Managing change and uncertainty has become an essential leadership skill in today's environment. That skill begins by learning how to plan, communicate and follow through to make sure the change is successful. Here are a few questions you might want to ask:

•What is the desired outcome or goal?
•What are the benefits and the losses?
•Who will the change effect and how?
•Who needs to know about the change?
•How will the change be communicated?

August 31, 2014

Best Practices for Holding People Accountable

Do you ever have trouble holding people accountable? To ease any discomfort, it's best to set a foundation and manage to the agreement versus the personality. Remember, we can only hold people accountable for what they have agreed to do, so make sure to adhere to the following best practices:

•Establish a clear agreement
•Agree on a time frame to co...mplete the task, project or objective
•Confirm that the employee has what he or she needs to achieve the task or duty
•Ask for direct confirmation of the commitment so you both know you have an agreement
•Determine together how and when you will follow up

We are motivated by managers that challenge us to grow and that take the time to give us the opportunity to succeed.

Enjoy your week!!

August 23, 2014

Managing Diversity and Creating Commonality...

Generational and cultural differences create challenges and opportunities. Trying to account for all of the differences can be overwhelming. To simplify what can be complex, let's take a moment and look at what we all share in common. Regardless of age, national origin, or religious affiliation, as human beings we are all motivated by 3 key desires:

•The need to be challenged
•The desire for fairness
•The yearning for community

So, the next time you think about diversity, think about commonality. Tap into one of the three motivators listed above and watch how quickly differences disappear.

August 17, 2014

The Elements of Conflict

Conflict is an inevitable and potentially productive part of life at home and at work. Conflict is an inevitable result of social interaction. Conflicts occur in our lives because we engage in social interaction with people with different goals, values, and backgrounds.

Like stress, conflict is inevitable, and it can be either positive or negative. Constructive conflict... can help make you more focused on the work at hand. Disruptive conflict can make you resistant and defensive. In conflict, usually the harder you push, the harder you get pushed against. However, you can still engage in conflict without having it be a negative experience.

One way to reduce discomfort with conflict or disagreement is to identify and use common steps to manage conflict in a positive way. Effectively dealing with conflict is one of the most difficult aspects of getting along with other people. When faced with conflict, we often react without realizing that we have constructive, healthy choices available to us. We unconsciously start pushing back. It is important to remember that you can’t always control conflict. However, you can control your response to conflict.

August 9, 2014

Reverse Delegation

Many people find that their plates are full because they are not only doing their own work, they are also doing the work of others. This can occur for many reasons, but a common one is related to a little known phenomenon called reverse delegation. Reverse delegation occurs when you assign a task to a coworker who then proceeds to come back and ask you a question or makes the t...ask more complicated than needed in hopes that you will take it back. You may then quickly assume it is just easier to do it yourself, and wham!...the task is back on your plate. To avoid this from happening to you, keep a few key principles in mind when delegating to others:

* Establish a clear objective. What needs to be done?
* Agree on a deadline or time frame to complete the objective
* If your assistance is needed, answer the questions or direct the person to a source where he or she can find the answer
* Follow-up on the day of the deadline. Keep the responsibility for completing the task where it belongs -- with the person you delegated it to

Keeping tasks where they belong not only help develop the skills of others, it gives you the ability to focus on activities that provide you and the highest rate of return on your time. Now that's productivity!

August 3, 2014

True Sense of Confidence

A true sense of confidence not only helps us forward our careers, but it also has a positive effect on others. But confidence doesn't come by chance, it comes by being aware of who we are and what we do best. This week, consider the following to strengthen your self-perception and the impact you have on the co-workers around you:
  • At the end of each day, review what you have accomplished. Write down at least 3 things to help you recognize your efforts. 
  • Keep a journal of all the things you do that help others. You will be amazed how much this little tip can build your sense of self-worth. 
  • Align your actions to your values. One of the biggest confidence-stealers is when we do things that go against our truths.
The most confident people are those who look inward for recognition, not outward. So do a little self-reflecting this week and enjoy the boost it will bring to your energy.

July 26, 2014

Mid-Year Goals Review

We've just entered the second half of 2014, which makes this a good time to revisit your goals and refocus your efforts. Take a moment this week and ask yourself a few key questions to help you acknowledge your accomplishments and set clear goals for the rest of the year.
  • What have you accomplished so far this year?
  • Do your goals still make sense, or do you need to change them based on new priorities?
  • What else would you like to accomplish before 2015?
 
To put a little extra commitment into your goals, consider sharing them with a friend or co-worker and ask him or her to inquire about your progress on a monthly basis.

July 20, 2014

Visual Messages Pt 3

TELEPHONE COMMUNICATION
What happens when communicating on the phone? How do we determine if people are believable? We may take into consideration how they say what they say and the tone of their voice. The phone is a good substitute for face-to-face communication for quick, straight-forward conversations or when getting together is not convenient, but for discussing complex or emotional issues, it is best to meet face-to-face when practical. 
 Videoconferencing or Skype can be a good alternative when distance is an issue, but it is also important to understand that there are limitations to that technology also. For example, interviews conducted remotely may miss some valuable non-verbal communication that may be picked up in person.
 
EMAIL COMMUNICATION
When communicating via email or text messages, we have only the words on the page and maybe "emoticons" and/or photos to consider. This can make email seem like a simple communication tool, but as we all know too well, it is often difficult to determine the sender's true message because we do not have the context of tone of voice, body language, or facial expressions. When an email message goes back and forth more than a couple of time, it is usually best to pick up the phone or schedule a face-to-face meeting to make sure the message is understood and any issues resolved.
Developing effective communication skills is a challenging but rewarding effort. It helps to understand the communication process and to be aware of our responsibilities as a communicator. Developing our skills takes time, effort, and practice. Creating a performance plan that defines actions for improving communication skills is a good first step.

July 16, 2014

VISUAL MESSAGES -Pt. 2

DRESS AND APPEARANCE
Another part of our body language is how we appear overall. We form immediate and vivid impressions of people during the first seven seconds we see them. Experts estimate that it takes another 5 minutes to add 50% more impression (negative or positive) to the impression we make in the first seven seconds. I’m talking about emotional impressions rather than ...content, or intellectual impressions.

Since clothing covers 90% of our persona, we need to be aware of what our clothes are communicating. Dress consciously and appropriately for the image you want to project. The effect of your initial appearance on others is far greater than you think. It is not a superficial thing, but communicates extensively to others how you feel about yourself.

Individuals have preferred comfort levels of closeness to others. The space varies by culture, but the norm in American society seems to be a physical proximity of approximately 18 inches for intimate relationships, 18 inches to four feet for personal friends, four feet to eight feet for social acquaintances, and eight feet and outward for others.

ESTABLISHING RAPPORT
Rapport can be an excellent tool that produces positive results and enhances communication results. Rapport can help us achieve success. We build rapport by paying attention, listening actively, and acting on what we learn.

In face-to-face conversations, physical positioning and pacing can help establish rapport. Keep in mind every person has different personal space issues. Sometimes moving slightly to the left of another seems less threatening and makes communication easier and more effective.

Pacing is a method of mirroring behavior that helps establish rapport. The listener focuses on who the speaker is and what she or he is saying. The listener then makes a conscious effort to overcome the differences between them. The sooner the sender and listener/receiver find common ground, the sooner they will communicate at a comfortable level, and the opportunity for mutual understanding will be improved.

Pacing is an effective, nonverbal way to establish rapport with another person. Sometimes, in pacing, you can gain a real understanding of the other’s thoughts and even emotions. Your movements should be subtle and discreet and in good taste, also. Avoid mimicking the other person, which would cause a breakdown in the communication process.

Some guidelines for pacing are:
• Match your voice rate with the other person’s rate.
• Match your voice volume.
• Use some of the same words and phrases of the speaker.
• Use similar gestures.
• Breathe at about the same rate without being obvious.

Keys to pacing are:
• Focused observation
• Complete flexibility
• Tuned-in listening

Pacing can seem very artificial at first. You already pace others, even though you are probably unaware of it. Anytime we become conscious of our behavior, we tend to feel awkward.

July 12, 2014

VISUAL MESSAGES

BODY LANGUAGE
The visual part of our message, our body language, including gestures and facial expression, determines how much credibility we have with our listener/receiver. If the message is consistent, all three elements work together. The excitement and enthusiasm of the voice work with the energy and animation of the face and body to reflect the confidence and conviction of ...what is said.

For example, what if I look down and cross my arms. I speak in a very monotonous voice and don’t make eye contact with you while saying, "I’m so happy to see you and I’m really glad you’re here".

Would my message be believable? Do I seem happy to see you?

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
When people have to choose between how you sound and how you look, they tend to believe the information your body language and facial expression sends.

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of your facial expressions and gestures. Be sure your body language communicates the message you want to send. There are 80 muscles in the face that can make more than 7,000 different facial expressions. Use facial expressions to convey your message, but be aware of the message your facial expression is sending. Many of us “talk with our hands” naturally, and gestures can add energy and emphasis to your communication. Just be aware of whether or not your gestures are distracting or inappropriate. One way to discover this is to videotape yourself and observe your body language.

June 29, 2014

3 ELEMENTS OF COMMUNICATION

 A famous communication study was done by Professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA on the relationship of the three elements that are communicated every time we speak. Mehrabian measured the difference between the believability of the verbal, vocal, and visual elements of our messages.

The verbal is the message itself—the words you say. The vocal element is your voice—th...e intonation, projection, and resonance of the voice that carries those words. The visual element is what people see—your facial expression and your body language.

Mehrabian’s research determined that the degree of consistency between these three elements was the factor that determines believability. Here are the percentages he found to be the average:

Visual - 55%
Vocal - 38%
Verbal - 7%

Since visual elements of communication are so important, we will concentrate on them during the month of July!

June 21, 2014

Making Time for the Unexpected...

Have you made time for the unexpected? Chances are something is going to come up this week that you didn't anticipate. While this is a common occurrence, it doesn't have to wreak havoc on your schedule. Research shows that highly effective people have learned how to expect the unexpected and make it a habit to:

•Leave open time each day on the calendar to handle unforeseen matters
•Do the most important things first before something else comes up
•Re-prioritize twice a day to adjust for changing demands

Planning for the unexpected is a great way to stay on schedule and reduce everyday stress.

June 7, 2014

The Benefits of Effective Communication

One of the job skills that employers desire most is effective communication. When people communicate effectively, they are able to build productive working relationships, solve problems, supervise others, and create trust in the workplace.

The Cost of Poor Communication - Communication gaps are caused by the failure to convey and/or understand the information, intent, or meaning of another, especially between individuals with different perceptions.

Barriers to Effective Communication
•Attitude of sender or receiver
•Emotional climate
•Hidden agendas
•Body language
•Semantics
•Interruptions
•Hot buttons

If you have the desire to become an effective communicator, you’ll be willing to do what it takes to make it happen. The real challenge in communicating is accurately sending images to others as well as accurately receiving images from them - to convey things exactly as you see them and to receive them exactly as others see them. Make effective communication a way of life.  Mastering connecting, conveying, and checking responses comes only with practice. Growth takes time.  You need to be patient with yourself while you incorporate and develop your new skills.

February 28, 2014

Making A Lasting Change

Learning any new behavior or skill begins with awareness. Yet knowing, and even openly admitting, we have a deficit will never improve it. Self-development is a combination of awareness, action, and discipline. Once you have decided you want to enhance yourself or your performance, consider the following:
  • What do you want to change and how?
  • What actions or training can you take to change it?
  • What will your practice or discipline be to reinforce the new skills or behavior?
Keep in mind that most change comes with some form of resistance. Before you give up on your practice think about pushing through it. Learning new skills and productive behaviors improve our quality of work, helps reduce stress and generally enhances our personal satisfaction. Well worth the effort!

February 1, 2014

Nine Things Successful People Do Differently

Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others? If you aren’t sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive answer — that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others — is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

Read the rest here.

By: Heidi Grant
Published by: The Harvard Business Review


Learn more about the science of success with Heidi Grant Halvorson’s HBR Single, based on this blog post.