Sometimes the Best Thing to Do is Nothing at All!

There comes a time in everyone’s life when things start coming at them from all directions. It’s easy to get distracted when you have more than a couple of options from which to choose. The more choices we have, however, the more difficult it is to take the right path. That’s when it is most important to just sit still and take your own sweet time to make a decision. Lots of people say they listen to a still small voice that comes from deep down inside. Some call it intuition. Others merely call it a gut feeling. Many years ago, mythologist and scholar Joseph Campbell put it very succinctly… follow your bliss.

No matter what you call it, everyone will at one time or another reach a point in life when they must do what little children are taught to go through, which is an exercise similar to the steps taught to them when learning to cross the street … stop, think, look, listen, think again and then make your move. Moving too fast or taking a particular action in reaction to a situation or someone else’s opinion of what you should do will almost always lead to disaster.

When faced with lots of choices at one time, the best thing you can do for yourself and the people closest to you – even if they do not agree with your decision – is to step away from the situation. Isolate yourself for a few days if at all possible, and let your conscious be your guide. It may sound trite, but that’s the only way to come to a healthy conclusion.

Listening to your own inner guide is ALWAYS the best way to solve a problem. Allowing your inner guide to take the lead will take you to the place where you are supposed to be in order to be your best and to have the best that life has to offer you. Far too many people are unhappy simply because they are living their lives based upon other people’s needs, wants, desires and beliefs about what they should be doing.

By taking control of your life and following your bliss, we avoid the traps so many people fall into that result in elevated blood pressure, stress related illnesses, depression, substance abuse and an untold number of chronic conditions, all of which could be reduced or eliminated altogether by listening to our guts rather than other people.

When Is It Time to Yield?

Has the strong opinion of another persuaded you to change your point of view? The tactics of others can at times alter our position. Yet, when is it appropriate to yield and when do we hold on to what is true for us? This is not an easy question to answer and frankly I'm challenged to do it in just a few short bullets. But here I go. Hold on to your point of view when...

•You have fully listened and remained open to the ideas of others, and your point of view still makes the most sense 
•The persuaded point of view goes against your core values, ethics or morals 
•The losses in the persuaded point of view are far greater than the benefits 

Holding on to our own opinion is important to foster the right moves for ourselves and our companies.  We need to hear everybody's voice and be appropriate and conscious when choosing a direction.

What Do You Really Want?

How often do you ask yourself this question? What do you really want?

It’s important to think about it and get clarity. If you don’t think about your purpose, someone else will decide for you. If you don’t remember it, life has a way of drifting off the path you intended to travel. If you don’t know what you really want, you’re likely to end up with a bunch of stuff and experiences that don’t feed or excite your true self.

So what do you really want?

I’m not asking what should you want. This isn’t about what you have been told everyone wants. This is not about what they wanted to sell you. What you want may have absolutely nothing to do with what they want for themselves or for you. This is not about what they asked for or told you that you deserve. Step away from the external influences and messages about what “they” said and focus on what you want.

What do you really want?

Just a Little Self-Promotion...

Self-promotion is not a 4-letter word. In fact, a little self-promotion is often necessary to be seen by upper management, to gain influence, and to build our reputations as results-oriented people.
Help raise your profile and consider the following tactful ways to show others what you have accomplished:

•In the appropriate meetings, mention the positive results f...rom something you or your team accomplished.
•Make sure to send your boss a regular written update on goals completed and the status of current projects.
•Take on a challenging project and share your enthusiasm with others - especially your boss.

In our fast-paced world, people don't tend to know what we have done for them lately unless we tell them. Take a few key opportunities each month to mention what you have accomplished.

After all, hard work and good results deserve to be recognized.

Confidence

A true sense of confidence not only helps us forward our careers, but it also has a positive effect on others.  But confidence doesn't come by chance, it comes by being aware of who we are and what we do best. Consider the following to strengthen your self-perception and the impact you have on the co-workers around you:

•At the end of each day, review what you have accomplished.  Write down at least 3 things to help you recognize your efforts.
•Keep a journal of all the things you do that help others.  You will be amazed how much this little tip can build your sense of self-worth.
•Align your actions to your values.  One of the biggest confidence-stealers is when we do things that go against our truths.

The most confident people are those who look inward for recognition, not outward.  So do a little self-reflecting this week and enjoy the boost it will bring to your energy.

Challenging Our Core Beliefs

1. Remember that our beliefs are not the same as reality, yet most people act as if they were. We see our beliefs as the way things are rather than as our perceptions or judgments about the way they are.
2. Our beliefs are powerful and often unconscious drivers of our behavior. There is a good body of research that indicates the power of our beliefs. What matters most is not what is happening, but what the person believes is happening.
3. The mind is "right" about whatever it happens to believe. We perceive selectively what confirms our point of view, and we even go so far as to set up situations to prove our point of view. If we believe we are deserving of success, we find evidence to prove it. If we believe that most people care only about themselves, we will prove that too. If we believe that life is beautiful, then that is what will come back in the form of our experience.

Active Listening...

Did you know that an average person only listens at an effective rate of less than 25%. Yet listening is rated as the most important factor in work, family, and social success. This week make a commitment to stay in the present and actively listen to the person speaking. Here are a few helpful hints to further develop this vital skill.

• Maintain good body posture and eye contact. Don't try to mutli-task while listening

• Focus on the speaker's feelings, needs, and perceptions.

• Silence your inner dialogue and stay open to receive what is being said.

Keep in mind that what you are hearing is not always exactly what the speaker is trying to say. Stay engaged, ask questions, and actively listen until the speaker confirms that you have indeed understood their message.

Ask Yourself....is it Something You Really Need To Finish?

So you stopped midway into that task. So what! Does it even matter? Was it a purposeful and meaningful use of your time and energy? What impact does it have on you and the world around you if you never finish it?

Sometimes we can get caught up doing things that don’t really matter and bring no added joy or value to our lives. If it matters, decide right now to finish it. If it doesn’t, skip it. Yes, walk away and find something else to do with your energy. Your time is too precious to spend doing things that are not adding value and joy to you and others.

Legacy...

You have the power to create your legacy. What shall you choose it to be? While we all may not be able to leave a million-dollar legacy, you can, right now, start building yours by:

• Making eye contact during conversation
• Listening without rushing in to state your point
• Asking permission
• Providing a genuine smile
• Giving a heartfelt embrace
• Practicing the alternate merge concept in traffic
• Challen...ging your mind to come up with a better way
• Respecting your colleagues
• Mentoring your employees
• Raising your children to be responsible
• Paying your bills
• Allowing joy in your life
• Bringing joy and laughter to those around you
• When tempted to point a finger, point at yourself first
• Help those less fortunate to become self sufficient
• Be open to new ideas from those who are different from you
• Lead by example

This idea of legacy is not just what is left when we are gone-it is also what IS, while we are here right now. Every day we add a brick to our own legacy wall-by our actions, thoughts and deeds we add new building bricks. Choose yours consciously and wisely.

 

God gave us the ability to experience profound joy and yes, heartbreaking sorrow as well. The joy you create for yourself and others today will give you the strength to get through the sorrow. Here's hoping for a good day for us all, one that adds to our combined legacy of which we can all be proud.

 

Here's to your success!

Put a Deadline on Your Goals....

Stop faking. Saying you will do it “one day” is a cop out. One day isn’t coming unless you make one day Today. Hold yourself accountable for the progress. I know how you operate. You have all this enthusiasm to start that begins to wane about 3-4 weeks into it. That is if you don’t get distracted by a really good reason to do something else within a few days or hours of committing to follow your dream.
Life has a way of presenting really valid reasons. So give yourself a deadline. Hold your feet to the fire. Make it possible but challenging as well. Move as quickly as you can. Make it happen. Remember this is your ideal. This is the peace, and quality of life you really wanted. Why wait? What is more important to you than you?
Decide what it would take to get out of the way and get it done and then go do it. When the deadline arrives, only three things could have happened. Either you will have accomplished your goal, you will have made amazing progress, or you will start making excuses as to why it didn’t happen. Any reason you offer is an excuse. Either you are making it happen or you are getting in the way of making it happen.

What ‘Quality Means for You

It does not matter what everyone else wants for you. Right now, if you are going to get unstuck, you must be willing to explore what you want from life.
Yes, I know you want to make others happy. What about you? What would make you happy? What would allow you to smile the way you make others smile? Think about it. Imagine it. Talk about it. Write it down. Give yourself a few moments to just relax and let that marinate. Your ideal. Your dream. Your fondest wish come true. This is your moment.
Own your desires and goals. Just thinking about it places you into a state of being that is more motivational and energetic. Allow yourself to feel as if your ideal state is happening right now.

Dealing With Difficult Situations

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, problems happen, and customers can be difficult to deal with, especially after a negative experience. When people are upset, they can get emotional.

 

Responding to the emotional needs of our customers is one of the best skills we can develop when providing customer service. Whatever the emotional state of customers, it is important to each of them that you understand what they are trying to tell you and how they feel about the services they want you to provide.

 

Listening-The first step in identifying our customers' needs is listening to what they say. Letting customers present their issues and listening to their messages are crucial to identify what is really on their minds. Don't interrupt before they have finished.
- Determine what your customer wants and needs.
- Prevent misunderstandings and errors.
- Gather clues about ways to improve the service you provide.
- Build long-term customer relationships.

Sympathy versus Empathy -When responding to customer's emotions, it's helpful to make a distinction between empathy and sympathy.

Sympathy involves identifying with or even taking on another person's emotions. A sympathetic response is, "I am really angry about those plaques too." Responding to customers with sympathy puts you on an emotional roller coaster and can leave you exhausted at the end of the day.

 

Empathy means acknowledging and affirming another's emotional state. An empathetic response is, "I can understand how that makes you angry." When you respond with empathy, you stay calm and in control. Only then are you at your absolute best, ready, willing, and able to help your customer.

 

Don't Take It Personally-Becoming defensive is a very natural response in any difficult, emotionally-charged situation. However, defensiveness prevents any real communication from happening. Being objective about the information our customers provide can help us respond more objectively and identify their real issues and concerns. Mentally rehearse how you will calmly react to tough situations before they occur.

Gratitude

You are focused on what you don’t have and what is going wrong. I know there is a difference between where you are and where you think you need to be. The difference may seem insurmountable. The consequences may be terrible. The whole situation may be overwhelming. You feel like you are losing the fight. Let’s not think about that right now. No, I’m not asking you to wish away the reality of your situation. I’m not asking you to launch into denial about how serious your problem really is. Even right where you are, here are 4 ways to solve that problem like you are your own personal gladiator.

1. Stop Your Overwhelm - Even in the middle of your circumstances, there is a reason to be thankful. Before you make a decision, count your blessings. While you are in overwhelm, remind yourself of the things that bring you joy. Don’t worry about being in overwhelm, just focus on the reasons you have for thankfulness. I’m not being theoretical. What are they? Think about them. Speak them. List them. Spend some time and energy remembering the things that we all naturally forget. What is going right? What is one great thing that has happened even while these terrible problems were brewing? Name another great thing. And another. And another. Oooh, you just thought of another one before I could ask. Keep going. Thankfulness interrupts overwhelm.

If you don’t see anything great at first, that’s okay. It’s okay as long as you don’t give up. Sit with it until you think of something. It might be small. It might seem inconsequential. It might be unrelated. It might be shallow or vein or silly. It still matters. Count it. Make your list.

2. Your Problems into Perspective - Training yourself to see the good helps to put your problems into perspective. You have seen this happen when a reporter interviews someone immediately after a tragedy, a natural disaster, some unexpected devastation. As they stand with the ruins of this person’s life framed in the background, the reporter asks something like “how do you feel”, or “what are you thinking right now?”

Tell me that it doesn’t move you to hear the person share the reasons they have to be thankful even as the ashes smoke around their feet. They say, we escaped with our lives; or this was something we should not have survived and we are blessed. Even though we’ve lost everything we have, I have my life and I’m thankful for that. Sometimes you hear wonderful stories of thanks for heroism or assistance from a total stranger that came to their aid. Often you hear, we don’t know what comes next but we are faithfully taking one day at a time. Even thought your issue may feel like the end of the world, put your problems back into perspective.

3. Invite Your Most Powerful Purposeful Self to Show Up - Don’t you want your best Self doing the heavy lifting for you in this moment? That Self is your own personal “gladiator in a suit” on speed dial. The fastest way to call up your inner gladiator is with gratitude. Gratitude is one of the fastest ways to shift you into who you are when you are at your best. Gratitude invites that most powerful purposeful Self to show up and make decisions on your behalf.

Why is gratitude such an incredibly powerful feeling? Gratitude puts you in the right frame of mind to see the next step to take. If you can come from a place of gratitude, you are not coming from a space of fear and anger. Gratitude changes the type of options you see and the options you think about. Your gratitude summons your courage and strength to stick with it another day. Gratitude generates the clarity you needed to step away from something or someone that is no longer serving you. Gratitude gives you peace to feel calm and certain of your next move even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

4. Ask yourself, “What Do I Have?” - Now that you have stopped your overwhelm; shifted your perspective; and invited your most powerful purposeful self to show up, let’s talk about that issue again. No. No, we are not going back to that hyperventilation and panic. We are problem solving. I didn’t ask you what you don’t have. Focus on what you have.

Choose to feel grateful even as you acknowledge that you may not have what you want. See where you do have enough. Choose to appreciate the many ways that you have enough. Focus on the abundance and the goodness that exists even in this situation. Appreciate what you already have and all you are learning. Appreciate your determination to handle this the right way. Recognize where things are being taken care of. Appreciate they way you are solving your problems and see how your gratitude gives you the energy to walk away from that battle with a big win.

One Step At A Time....

Does it feel as if you are well into 2013 already (instead of just a month), trying to keep up with ...everything?! The challenges we face offer a wide range of solutions, some that energize us and others that drain us. Serious situations may cause us to agonize over the resolutions - especially if we dwell on the "what ifs" too long.

But once that tough decision is made, don't you find that your focus is better, your energy renewed and the path towards moving ahead towards your goals much clearer? If you are in the middle of this kind of challenge, just let me offer this: keep on putting one foot in front of the other-even if those steps are small, they are still moving forward and you can give yourself some valuable energy-rebuilding time.

Celebrate Your Accomplishments!!

Before we all go off to celebrate another ending and new beginning, may I encourage you to remember why you are right where you are, and celebrate all those things you did accomplish in 2012.

Now I know the overachiever in you is merely focused on all the things on your list that didn’t get done and that’s okay. Just for a moment, take a look back through that calendar of yours and remember all the moments you totally rocked. Remember those moments in your life when you totally knocked it out of the park? I bet you have forgotten many of them already. I’m talking about the things you did for yourself as well as others. The things aside from your job that you did just because they needed doing. The effort you put into something that no one else knows was needed. Seriously, scroll backwards thorough the 52 weeks and 12 months from 2012.

So, I’m curious, why don’t you celebrate yourself more often? Not the lame moments that others think you should but just truly and sincerely acknowledge the hard work and wonderful things you do. Some people think you are pretty amazing. You always shy away from that praise because you are looking at what you are not.

Today. Just for this moment. Go on and celebrate the difference between where you were, what you were and who you are now. You may not feel like you deserve it but I bet your calendar says otherwise. There were some things you did last year that you have every reason to be proud of. Everyone thrives off of encouragement. It’s like fuel to a car. You are no different. Indulge yourself. Your ego won’t get any bigger than it already is. I’m so sure your "self-depreciation" is already on the case. Shut that negative talk down for just a moment and allow yourself to embrace your own fantastic magnificence!

Go on. Give yourself a well-deserved round of applause. And schedule some more frequent moments in 2013 to do the same.