Pay Close Attention For the Meaning of the Words....

To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music, but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning. - Peter Senge

Are you listening fully?

Barriers to Effective Communication

Barriers to Effective Communication

Knowing the barriers to effective communication is the first step in learning how to improve your communication skills. Although there are many kinds of barriers to communication, most are characterized by not being present to what's being said, or simply by not listening. So what is it that keeps people from listening and being present in a conversation? Here are some possible causes:

• Rehearsing what to say next - When you're too busy and too focused on preparing your response to what the other person is saying, you aren't being fully present to what's being said at precisely that moment.

• Being overemotional - Allowing defensiveness, fear, anger, love, disgust, or resentment to take control. Emotions are going to show up all the time, it's only when they overwhelm us that they become barriers to effective communication.

• Being distracted - by happenings in the environment: too noisy, too cold, too hot, etc. The more we pay attention to a distracting noise, the less attention we pay to the conversation at hand. It just takes practice to block distractions and remain focused on the conversation.

• Wearing a Mask - Pretending to be someone you are not. We go through life putting on masks to suit the needs of the moment. If we need to please someone, we put on our people pleaser mask. When we pretend that we are happy with everything other people are doing, we don't express anything that may be seen "not nice". We don't express ourselves freely, we fail to communicate.

• Having an agenda - When you have a hidden agenda it's unlikely you'll be able to stay focused on what the other person is saying. Most likely you'll be too busy thinking of how to convince them about something - or of ways to ask them for something, to be actually listening to what they're saying. You may argue that most people have an agenda, and you'd be right about that. One of the main reasons we communicate is to get something we want, either through control, manipulation or just influence. Having an agenda becomes a problem when you become too focused on fulfilling it; when you remain too attached to getting your way.

• Prejudging and Filtering -This consists of using our personal frame of reference to process any information we get. Our frame of reference consist of ideas, conclusions, experiences, preconceptions, values and beliefs that we have about life.

Actually, overcoming communication barriers is simpler than you think. Of all the barriers to effective communication, the one that causes the most problems is not paying attention. So, if you do nothing else to get rid of these barriers, do this: on an ongoing basis, take aside some time to do some mindfulness exercises. You will notice that you're going to start paying more attention to conversations, to people, and to life in general. This will go a long way towards helping you really connect with people.

As you overcome each and every one of these barriers to effective communication, you'll be able to enjoy closer and more authentic relationships with others in your life. You'll connect with people in ways you hadn't anticipated. But more importantly, you'll feel at ease in practically any situation, confident that you'll be able to handle it.

Effective communication helps you to avoid misunderstandings at work

If you can avoid misunderstandings, you will be able to know what others (your boss, your clients, or other people) are truly asking you or telling you.

If you can understand what others are saying, you will not come to the wrong conclusions or take the wrong actions about what you hear. You will make fewer unnecessary mistakes. By making fewer unnecessary mistakes, you will be more at peace, worry less about the consequences of your words and actions.

By worrying less about your words and actions, you will have more peace of mind, both at work and away from work. By having more peace of mind, you will lead a more satisfying life.

Improving Your Listening Skills

Listening skills are perhaps the most important communication skill one can acquire and master. By becoming a good listener, you open the door to good communication.
Before we delve into the subject of becoming a better listener, let’s answer a question that is usually asked. What's the difference between hearing and listening? To hear is to perceive with our ears the words that are being spoken. To listen is to pay attention with our other senses to help us understand the words being spoken.
We hear words with our auditory system and we listen to complete messages using our cognitive functions: attention, memory, thinking and reasoning. To become a better listener, the first step is to know what barriers stand in our way.
A person that knows how to listen is someone who enjoys the fruits of meaningful and close relationships with others. When you truly and actively listen to someone, you give that person a precious and sought after gift: attention. In turn, the speaker is more inclined to reciprocate with the gift of his /her attention.

What skills do you use?

Are you stockpiling your DREAMS?

Sam Grawe, Editor-in-Chief of Dwell Magazine says.

"Many of us stockpile dreams for years, cataloging and filing them away for later. Some of our heads are so full of them that it is hard to believe there is enough room for them all. If space does become a concern, one of the best places to store a dream is in reality. Once your dream has been realized, it is technically no longer your dream, but it may serve as inspiration for other peoples' dreams, in which case, it is still something of a dream. There is something of a dream in almost everything around us."

We ask: What dream are you tabling that you could be setting in motion? We have a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to the hopeful world of others, to set the example that a life of realized dreams is possible. What's holding you back from starting your journey? Start now. VC.

Building a Healthy Body Image

Weight concerns, body image issues, healthy eating patterns... all of these are common concerns for many of us. We want to be healthy and enjoy satisfying relationships and activities. Yet too often our self-perceptions about how we look or how we think others view us hold us back from feeling good. Feeling good means... eating a balanced diet... exercising regularly but not excessively ... engaging in positive self-care... remembering you are more than your appearance... developing supportive relationships.

Building a healthy body image and good self-esteem can be hard work because it takes time to become confident. As you work to improve your body image, you will experience self-acceptance and learn to recognize the qualities, skills, and talents that make you special.

"Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality" ~Ralph Marston~

Building a Healthy Body Image: At War With Our Bodies

The definition of body image is: the inner perception of physical appearance, or size and shape. When you've built a healthy body image you feel good about yourself no matter how you look.
A more well-rounded definition of healthy body image is: how we perceive our bodies to fit (or not fit) the expectations of our culture and ourselves. It's all about what we "should" look like and how slim we "should" be. We learn to be at war with our bodies, fighting them to be thin, flawless, smooth, unblemished, and perfect. This is where unhealthy or bad body image comes in, and why it's important to build a healthy body image.

To build a healthy body image, you need to know how a bad body image is formed. A bad body image is built in part by our experiences with other people. Parents, teachers, siblings, spouses, children, family, and friends can influence bad body image with a look – not to mention comments about our weight or various body parts. Bad body image is influenced by the pictures we see in magazines and on tv. We constantly compare ourselves to flawless models, and we come up short every time. Building a healthy body image is crucial to a healthy, happy life. A bad body image can develop into body dysmorphic disorder, which is a psychological condition. This is another reason to build a healthy body image.

Looking Beyond The Money

It’s important to look beyond the money and examine yourself from a scientific perspective. What are you really concerned about? If you are a spender, why do you need so many possessions? If you’re a miser, why are you so worried? And for money seekers, why are you constantly chasing money?

Pay close attention to yourself when you are answering these questions and you’ll slowly but surely realize some of your hidden insecurities and motivations. Why am I a money chaser? I seek money because I want enough money to buy whatever I want and to be able to provide for my family. I want to be wealthier than my friends and I want my kids to have a better lifestyle than I do when they grow up. I also want to have the opportunity to try new things that I would otherwise not be able to if I didn’t have the money.

Recognizing What Type of Money Person You Are

Establishing a good relationship with money starts with understanding what type of person you are and whether you fall into any of the following categories.
Spenders:
Do you frequently make purchases that are beyond your means? Do you purchase things to make yourself happy? Is there a connection between shopping and your mood? If so, then you can consider yourself a spender. Spenders have a tendency to accumulate credit card debt because shopping to them is an addiction. Spenders spend money in hopes that material items will bring happiness or provide pain relief.
Misers:
On the other end of the spectrum are the misers. Misers absolutely fear poverty and constantly worry about not having enough money to live. Misers need to feel in control and are generally uncomfortable with any sort of uncertainty. Ironically, misers fear poverty yet they practically live in it because they spend so little.
Haters:
Money haters absolutely detest money and what it does to people. They eschew wealth and will often live in deprived and desolate conditions. They will purposely avoid material possessions whenever possible.
Seekers:
Money seekers are the ones who obsess over becoming wealthy. These people put a premium on making a fortune with the belief that it will solve all of their problems. In reality, there are usually other inadequacies in their lives that they are trying to make up for with material wealth.

Overview of Healthy Lifestyle

So what does a healthy lifestyle entail? According to the dictionary, lifestyle is a way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and value of a person or group. A healthy lifestyle would be a way of living that would result in a healthy mind, body and spirit.

Living a healthy lifestyle takes discipline. You must make up your mind and choose things that are good for you and your loved ones. It comes down to being committed to do what is good for your body, mind and spirit.

Living a healthy lifestyle involves taking care of your physical, mental and spiritual health. You need to arm yourself with appropriate knowledge that will ensure that you get the result you want.
The physical, mental and spiritual aspects of your life are intertwine. For you to be happy and healthy, you need to keep all these aspects of your life balanced.

You should monitor what you do on a regular basis, to ensure that you are doing the right thing. If something is not right, you can make any necessary changes to help move you in the direction of your goal. With this in mind, working toward living a healthy lifestyle is achievable.

What is Your Relationship with Money???

Many of us who have grown up in the western world are taught that in order to get by in this world we must make money. While it is true that money is our medium of exchange, rather than trade and barter as it was in the past, money does not make you who you are. So, how can you learn to have a healthy relationship with money?

1. Realize that what you make for a living does not define who you are. In other words however much you may make a year for your income whether it is $20,000 or $100,000, if you make $100,000 that does not mean that you are somehow more worthy as person than the individual making $20,000. Money is just a medium of exchange for products and services that's it.

2. Work towards loosening the grip that money has on your self-esteem. Sit down and make a personal inventory of all that is good and wonderful in your life. Things like our spouse, our children and our loved ones can also be a sign of wealth. You can have all the money in the universe but if you don’t have loved ones what good is it?

3. Work towards not feeling guilty when you spend money on yourself. This is another item that has to do with our self-esteem. Many times we don't feel worthy of the money we make and we feel as if we somehow are not deserving of the pleasant things in life that our money allows us to afford. Don't do that to yourself. I'm not suggesting you should go out and spend your entire savings account, but there's nothing wrong with buying a book by your favorite author for example.

4. Pay attention to the exchange between money and services and products. Work on visualizing this exchange and seeing your money turn into whatever it is that you are buying. Teach yourself to enjoy this exchange, because the more you enjoy the exchange, the better your relationship with money will be. If you find yourself unable to enjoy the exchange and it is something that you do not need, then stop buying that item or service and start using your money for things you really savor purchasing.

5. Consider trading services and things with people you know. You'll get a whole new outlook on money if you start trading services and items for other services and items. It can be a real eye opener. The nice thing about trading too is that you can get some very nice things by doing it. My favorite trade is for services. For example, I often give away free books in return for book reviews. Sometimes trading is the best way to go and since it does not involve an exchange of money, trading products and services can actually save you money!

6. When you get paid, pay yourself first. After all, what is the point of earning money if we cannot use any of it on ourselves? If you only feel you are worth it when you spend on bills and groceries and such and that you don't deserve to have money for yourself, then you are probably never going to have a healthy relationship with money.Learning to have a healthy relationship with money is very important because it also helps you to be more stress free.

If you follow these tips you can have this healthy relationship in a matter of weeks!

A Healthy Relationship With Food

Many people have an unhealthy relationship with food. Food often means much more to us than simply satisfying our physical hunger. Therefore, trying to lose weight or eat healthy usually requires more than changing our diet. Few people know what it is like to have a healthy relationship with food. People today don’t have role models for healthy eating habits. We have unhealthy examples all around us; media and advertising remind us daily of our old loves (cookies, potato chips, ice cream). They tell us how much happier we would be if we continued that affair. Despite these challenges, it is very possible to develop healthy eating habits. There are some fundamental behaviors that help us improve our relationship with food. As you prepare to instill these behaviors, it helps to visualize yourself successfully adding the behavior into your life habits. This can be easier and more effective than seeing yourself removing an unhealthy behavior.

Is Your Relationship Good for You?

We all want to be in healthy relationships. But sometimes it is hard to know if a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. Healthy relationships help us feel better about ourselves and about our place in the world. They make us feel happy and safe. Unhealthy relationships make us feel unhappy, insecure, or even unsafe.

• Everyone deserves to feel happy and safe in their relationships.


• If a relationship has unhealthy qualities, you can work to make it better or choose to end the relationship.


• We can all learn ways to make our relationships healthier.

We can work to make all our relationships; with family members, friends, romantic partners, food, finances and others as healthy as possible. And we can learn how to tell when a relationship is not healthy and how to improve it or end it.

Reprogramming Your Habits...

So, how do you establish a healthy relationship with food? Learn how to diffuse the emotional power food has in your life. If we understand the triggers and temptations that prompt us to eat reactively, we will become aware of our patterns. Out of that self-awareness, we can begin to alter our eating habits and work toward eating for physical reasons instead of emotional ones. Having a healthy relationship with food is possible. Eliminating your frustrations in relation to food is possible. Here are five steps to help you get on the right track.

1. Start believing that you can have a healthy relationship with food. You might feel stuck but you aren’t.


2. Learn the difference between emotional and physical hunger. Write the definitions on a piece of paper so you have to think about what they mean. You’ll be more likely to remember them and differentiate them as they occur.


3. After every meal and snack this week, jot down whether you ate it out of emotional or physical hunger. This will help you get in touch with your physical needs and your emotional cravings.


4. For every meal and snack, use a scale of zero to 10 to measure how hungry you are. Zero is not hungry and 10 is ravenous. Concentrate on eating the majority of your food when you feel between six and eight on the hunger scale.


5. Start a journal and spend 10 minutes every day writing in it. To keep in touch with your emotions, write about your day and how you feel.

By implementing these steps, you’re already on the path to greater self-awareness and to positive change in your eating habits. As a result, you will reach your ideal body weight and you will gain control of your eating habits. Start right now.

Make It Happen!!

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.” - George Bernard Shaw

Words of Power

The difference between a dangerous spell—um, I mean goal—and a safe, effective one has everything to do with parts of speech. Most goal setters use mainly nouns and verbs ("I want my business to succeed," "I want to have a baby"). This frequently leads to either outright failure or the kind of success that doesn't make people nearly as happy as they expect. But there's another class of words that work much better—adjectives.

I've come to depend on adjectives because goals made of nouns and verbs are risky: They bring to mind "imagined situations," as opposed to "imagined experiences." The two are subtly but crucially different, and experiences, not situations, are always what we really want. Ilsa expected business success to produce feelings of contentment; Sue thought a baby would make her feel loved. Neither fully anticipated what would happen after they achieved their goals.

By using adjectives, you can avoid this trap by focusing all your efforts on the quality of the experience you want to create. This process is harder than "normal" goal setting—it requires some serious soul-searching and perhaps a good thesaurus—but it does pay off. -

Read more.... http://www.oprah.com/spirit/goal-setting-strategies-from-life-coach-martha-beck

Accurate Self-Assessment

Accurate Self Assessment: an inner awareness of your strengths and limitations

• Are you reflective, do you learn from experience?
• Do you know your own capabilities; what you can and can’t do, your strengths and weaknesses?
• Are you open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self development?
• Do you ask for help from others who might have more experience, knowledge, or ability?
• Are you able to identify and target your needs for improvement and change?
• Do you have a desire to learn and grow?

Personal Power

Personal Power: a sense of self-confidence and an inner knowing that you can meet life’s challenges and live the life you choose

• Do you have a good sense of who you are and your ability to get what you want?
• Do you believe that you can set the direction of your life, and do?
• Are you able to distinguish between things you have control over in life and those that you don’t; do you avoid stressing over the former?

Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders

I am sure that you will find this video clip shocking and motivating by the COO of FaceBook.

http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html

I would love to get your thoughts on this issue.

Warm regards,

LaVonne Dorsey Leadership, Career and Life Coach
Email lifecoach@welcometoliving.net
Tel 206-941-3422
web http://www.welcometoliving.net/

Create Your Unique Career Plan

Depending on where you are in your career as well as how you feel about making “plans” for your life, creating a career plan may or may not be a welcoming idea. However, it is a step that is vital to ensure you are focused on your career objectives and are taking the right steps along the journey to get there. A career plan can be whatever you want it to be. It can be a short-term or a long-term plan, or both. That is the beauty of it; you get to decide. It is your plan.

Regardless of whether you want a long or a short-term plan, there are several key aspects to include in your plan. First, you want to have an end result. What are you trying to achieve? It might be the next job or assignment you want to reach in the next twelve months, or it might be the ultimate C-Suite position you are trying to reach in the next 5 years. This is the objective of your plan and by establishing it, you set your plan’s foundation.

Happy New Year - Design Your Life

Happy New Year! We want to wish you all the best in 2011.

What is the life that you want to design for yourself in 2011?

We have all heard that the best way to successfully achieve a goal is to map out the steps just as you would design, develop the blue print and follow the steps in building a house.

David Bohl says, "There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way you want…but you have a better chance of it turning out how you want if you know how to design your own life."

Read the article here http://www.thechangeblog.com/design-your-life/ where creating this successful map and design is wonderfully explained step by step and easy to follow.

Again, Happy 2011 and we wish you the best in successfully creating the life that you desire.