Conflict Management: Unfair Fighting Styles

Bad Timing - One person forces his or her agenda on the other, often insisting on discussing something at an inappropriate time.

Blaming - You blame the other person for the problem when you start with the dangerous assumption that “I’m right and you’re wrong.”

Too many issues - When you’re angry and use any ammunition you can think of – dragging up issue after issue to support how good you are and how bad the other person is.

Covering other feelings with anger - In unfair fights, anger is usually the only emotion expressed. It drowns out any underlying fear, sadness, guilt, envy, disappointment, and so on.

Impossible demands - Unfair fights often include vague, abstract demands like “be more considerate” or “stop being so picky.”  People just don’t change their personalities or emotions quickly or easily.

 Threats and ultimatums
- “I’ll move out.”
- "I’ll quit.”
- "I’ll tell your supervisor.”
- “I’ll take the kids.”
- “I’ll tell on you.”
- “I’ll destroy something.”
- “I won’t love you anymore.”
-  Escalation

Unhappy endings  - Unfair fights have unhappy endings. Unfair fights end in violence, withdrawal, or tears and apologies. They don’t end in mutually satisfactory solutions. In fact, unfair fights don’t really end at all – there’s just a temporary cease fire until the next round.

What is unfair at heart about most of these negative styles is that they assert that the person you are arguing with is somehow inferior.  You don’t engage the person about his or her ideas; you simply attack the person. To create an environment where conflict about ideas is possible and encouraged, individuals must be assured that they will be engaging in a fair fight – one that will not turn into a personal attack.

3 Questions to Ask About Career Development

Did you know that career development is the single most powerful tool managers have for driving retention, engagement, and results? Yet, it is frequently avoided because managers say they don't have the time. Making the time is easy when you understand how important it is, and it's as simple as asking a few good questions:

1. What are your career goals?
2. In what ways would you like to be trained or developed?
3. What would you like to gain from me as your manager?

Remember that career development is always the responsibility of the employee, but good managers take the time and show the interest to help mentor their employees along the way.

Conflict Managment

We can’t alter the fact that there will be conflict. We can only learn to manage it when it occurs.

We are each trapped inside our own way of seeing the world, and our differences create conflict in those world-views. We want others to see the world as we do, because we know similarities will bring us closer to each other. On the other hand, we tend to protect our way of seeing the world with great energy and enthusiasm.

People who successfully handle difficult interactions are aware of how their feelings and attitudes affect their nonverbal messages. They know their listeners will “hear” their tone of voice, vocal volume, rate of speech, and body language over and above their words.

60 Days and Counting...

There are only 60 days left until 2015! With that in mind, this would be a good time to revisit your 2014 goals. So take a few minutes to consider the following this week:

1. What goals have been accomplished this year?
2. What still needs to be accomplished?
3. What actions can you take in the next 60 days to complete or wrap up any loose ends?

Enjoy your week!!

The Right Path for the Right Reason

Mark Twain once said that the two most important days in your life are the day you were born - and the day you find out why. As we rapidly head toward the end of the year take a moment and ask yourself:

1. Am I on the right career path for my life?
2. Am I on the right path for the right reason?
3. Does what I do each day reflect my values?

If the answer is yes then it's likely you have a good level of job satisfaction. If the answer is no, you might want to do a little journaling.

4 Tips to Active Listening

Did you know that an average person only listens at an effective rate of less than 25%? Yet listening is ranked as the most important factor in work, family and social success. This week consider the following to hone this vital skill:

1. Make a commitment to stay in the present and listen to the person speaking
2. Maintain good body posture and eye contact
3. Refrain ...from multi-tasking while listening
4. Stay curious and suspend judgment until you understand the true intention of the speaker

Keep in mind that what you are hearing is not always what the speaker is trying to say. Stay engaged, ask questions and actively listen until the speaker confirms that you really understand the intended message.

3 Steps to Holding an Effective Meeting

How many meetings do you have this week? And how many will you be facilitating? As leaders it's our responsibility to respect people's time and facilitate our meetings to make them effective. That starts with knowing the 3 steps to holding good meetings:

1. Be Prepared: What is the point of the meeting? Who should attend and what should they bring? What's the agenda and the desired outcome?

2. Stay in Charge: Start the meeting on time. Quickly review what needs to be covered. Stay on topic. And don't let your meeting get hi-jacked by somebody else's agenda.

3. Create an Actionable Close: Wrap up with a recap and make sure action steps are written down and time frames for completion are agreed upon.

Do everybody in the meeting a favor and make good use of the time. It's one of the best ways to gain influence and credibility as a leader.